Partners being 'bored' of each other... and other things
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Assalamu Alaikum Wa rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

Not too long ago, I was browsing an Islamic forum and feel upon a thread on Marriage. The thread title was something like 'Do married couples get bored of each other?' Obviously, someone curious about this issue and not married yet, wanted more of an insight on this issue.

Some wise members posted things like, that's what marriage is about though. When you start getting 'bored' of each other, then you do something else to make things 'exciting' again and to get the marriage sparking.

Then you had other people talking about how husbands get fed up of their wives, they dtop liking them and once again the wise members kick in and mention the fact that the wife must get fed up and bored of her husband too right?

What made me think, is that, sometimes, life is so good. Everything goes well and you couldn't wish for more, because it's like you have everything. But then at times, life can be so dull and 'boring' that you wonder why you have such a life and have to go through such. My question is, if we didn't go through these 'boring' and 'dull' times, then how would we appreciate the 'good' and 'exciting' times?

Think about it. Those afflicted with pain (and may Allah Ta'ala grant them shifaa e kaamilah and reward them for their patience during these difficult times), they may either do sabr in this time or they complain about the pain they go through. Either way, no one really likes to be in pain. Then, when they are better, they are glad, and words can't express how glad they are due to the fact that they are not experiencing pain at this time, so they do shukr for being pain-free.

This is the same with our husbands and wife. if we never got 'bored' of them here and there, then how would we ever appreciate the good times we have with them? If you're just happy all the time, then every minute will them will seem 'normal' and there will be nothing special about this marriage. "Marriage is like the wather" as mentioned in Ashraf's Blessings on marriage. So, bad, boring and dull times allow you to appreciate and be thankful for the happy, exciting and wonderful good times.

Ponder over this. It's not only about marriage where we can bring this into our lives. DO shukr for every little moment. Things could be worse.

May Allah Ta'ala grant us all the tawfeeq to act upon what has been written and read and May Allah TA'ala increase the love between the two spouses, and grant them sabr and allow them to do shukr for the times when things are not so 'up' and also, at those times when things are 'great'. Ameen.

Dua me yaad.

Wassalam

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posted by xmuslimahx at Tuesday, July 17, 2007 | Permalink 0 comments
The Path to Harmony in Marriage
Monday, July 09, 2007
by Abu Abdullah Ibne Ismail

Shaykh said:

“The Prophet sallahu alayhi wasallam has explained the rights of each and every aspect of human life. And so after nikah (Matrimonial ceremony) a man becomes a husband and the woman a wife. However the common mistake that is made is that the husband, instead of studying the rights of his wife, studies his own rights. The wife studies here own Islamic rights, and hence they both become adamant on receiving their own rights of the other; and because of this many problems arise.

If we were but all aware of our responsibilities and worried about
fulfilling them then no one would need to demand for their rights!”



Source: In Shaykh's Company

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posted by xmuslimahx at Monday, July 09, 2007 | Permalink 0 comments
Under Construction
Friday, December 15, 2006
Assalamu Alaikum,

This blogger template is bafflin! Need to work on it so I guess it's UC for now.

If u wanna join in this work, send me an email or just post it up sumwhere on the blog.

Anyways, DMY hamesha.

Wassalam

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posted by xmuslimahx at Friday, December 15, 2006 | Permalink 0 comments
Wedding of Faatimah Radhiyallahu 'Anha
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) is the youngest daughter of our beloved Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Out of all the children, she was the most beloved to him. He said,


'The Queen of the ladies in Jannat is Faatimah.'
He also said,

'Faatimah is part of my body. Whoever grieves her, grieves me.'

When Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) remained irresponsive. Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu), who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, 'How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.' At last, encouraged by the Prophet's kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Faatima (Radhiyallaahu Anha). The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) was extremely pleased and asked, 'Ali! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr?' I replied, 'Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.' The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.' So, Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) went and sold his armour to Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu Anhu) for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam).

Bilaal (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was ordered by the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmaan, Talhah, Zubayr with some companions from the Ansaar (Radhiallaahu Anhum). When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikaah and gave Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) in marriage to Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu). He announced, 'Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Faatimah in marriage to Ali for 400 Mithqaal of silver and Ali has accepted.' He then raised his head and made Dua saying,

'O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children.'

After the Nikaah, dates were distributed. When the time came for Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) to go to Ali's (Radhiallaahu Anhu) house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry accompanied Umm Ayman (Radhiallaahu Anhu).

After the Isha Salaat, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) went to their house, took permission and entered. He asked for a basin of water, put his blessed hands into it and sprinkled it on both Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) and Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) and made Dua for them. The sovereign of both worlds gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher. In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnised. In following this Sunnah method, a wedding becomes very simple and easy to fulfill.


SOME METHODS DERIVED FROM THE ABOVEMENTIONED MARRIAGE

1. The many customs as regards engagement are contrary to the Sunnah. In fact, many are against the Shariah and are regarded sins. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.

2. To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect.

3. There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close associates for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places.

4. It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride.

5. If the father of the girl is an Aalim or pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnise the marriage.

6. It is better to give the Mahr Faatimi and one should endeavour to do so. But if one does not have the means then there is nothing wrong in giving less.

7. It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose weddings.

8. It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam)?

9. The present day practice of the intermingling of sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shariah.

10. There is nothing such as engagement parties and Medhi parties in Islam.

11. Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants.

12. It is un-Islamic to display the bride on stage.

13. The unnecessary expenses incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast has no basis in Shariah.

14. For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Qur'anic law of Hijaab.

15. It is un-Islamic for the engaged couple to meet each other and also go out together.

16. Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah: o Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents); o To give necessary items; o A show should not be made of whatever is given.

17. It is Sunnat for the bridegroom's family to make Walimah. Note: In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that the is no extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process.

18. To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islamic.


SOME CUSTOMS

In aping Western methods sheepishly, Muslims have adopted many customs which are un-Islamic and frowned upon. Some examples are:

* Displaying the bride on stage;
* Inviting guests for the wedding from far off places;
* Receiving guests in the hall;
* The bride's people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shariah. We should remember that Walimah is the feast arranged by the bridegroom after the marriage is consummated.
* It is contrary to Sunnah (and the practice of some non-Muslim tribes in India) to wish, hope for or demand presents and gifts for the bridegroom, from the bride's people. We should always remember that our Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not give Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) anything except Dua.

Moulana M. Saleem Dhorat

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posted by xmuslimahx at Thursday, November 23, 2006 | Permalink 0 comments
Naseeha
Thursday, November 16, 2006
A healthy marriage is based on strong Iman (faith) and strong Taqwa (fear of Allah). Because the couple unites for the sake and love of Allah, they are able to make decisions and resolve problems upon based this commitment.

Fikr (reflection) and Dhikr (remembrance) of Allah are a regular part of the marriage. The couple keeps their obligations to Allah and remembers Him often, even in their most intimate affairs. They reflect on what He has given them and on ways to improve their relationship with Him and thus with each other.

The couple not only strives in the cause of Allah but are also knowledgeable of their own and each other's rights, roles and responsibilities. The spouses honor and ensure that each other's rights are fulfilled and they work together to develop a strong Islamic personality.

Both have realistic expectations of each other and of the marriage, and they practice good communication skills, engage in mutual consultation, and are calm and even-tempered. Honesty, trustworthiness, humility and a willingness to cooperate and compromise help to build a strong relationship.

Additionally reliance on the Quran and Sunnah for decision-making are essential.

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posted by xmuslimahx at Thursday, November 16, 2006 | Permalink 7 comments